I’ve always been a doer. I am constantly on the move. I loathe being still, and will clean toilets before I just sit and do nothing.
When we lived in Montana this was an easy life style for me. I would NEVER call Billings a “big city” but compared to the Bakken, it is. If I got bored, I ran to Target or TJMaxx to kill time, and spend dollars. If for some reason I was home bound (heavy snow and the thought of getting 5 kids dressed in snow gear and in the car can make me want to pass out), then I would rearrange furnature. Tom (and my dearest friends) would always know that something was up with me when they would come over and the house was rearranged.
Yesterday I realized I’ve did 10 pinterest recipes/crafts in one day. Which is the equivalent to moving furniture or shopping…but I can’t shop here, and the house is set up so there is only ONE way the furniture could sit. As I was texting a girlfriend of mine the pictures of the stuff I’d been doing, it dawned on me that I was “keeping busy” so that I didn’t have to be quiet before the Lord.
Last week when I prayed I heard something from the Lord that I didn’t want to hear. I have once again chosen delayed obedience (read that DISobedience) over obedience. The move here has brought many changes and me being a doer is changing. I am learning more and more that my true place is in my home. And my act of service for others is prayer. I’ve always wanted the spot light. I want to be seen as the one who brings the meals, watches the children, and cleans the house, general “taking care of your neighbor” kind of stuff. But circumstances here have changed that.
I have cried out to the Lord. WHY I AM I SO TIRED?! I want to go serve, I want to do these things, but you have taken away my energy.
And I always hear the same reply: Pray.
I pray all the time. Or more accurately stated, I speak to God all the time, but most of the time it’s a one way conversation. I don’t take the time to listen, and I rarely take the time to petition for the Lord on behalf of my friends, and family (unless there is a specific request).
Over and over, I have heard that I need to be praying more for others as my act of service. And just now the message finally hit home.
God will change His plan if He is petitioned. You can only petition God through prayer. So, I am getting on my knees, as it seems I don’t even have the energy to stand anymore.
Maybe that’s why…maybe God wanted me to realize that on my knees is where I need to be, not standing. And it taken such a blatant thing as illness for me to figure it out, and get still before the Lord and petition Him for change.